Past is past! after all we still have tomorrow..

DON'T BE A MARTYR! That's the phrase... Yes! of course heartaches are really aches... you cry hard, fight hard or stand strong.... but still the cycle goes back again... as if it is a chain of infection... and sometimes medicine for infective heartaches is not enough ( i mean pieces of advices from a family or friends).... You tend to bend... put yourself down or say it's over!!!... WAKE UP! don't be a martyr of your past!!!

We tend to bend a little to adjust to changes... but bending too much might break ourselves.... turn our minds into a stupid chamber of paranoia or even lead us to a destructive acts... Never correct a past with another mistake... the question is... are you just going to shrug yourself away just because you are damn wrong before???... NO... wake up and see realistic views....

I too, had gone into that cycle... I did... and I also had that infection (I mean heartaches) but did it helped???! the answer is YES! because I tried looking at the brighter side of it...

You have a choice... whether to fail oneself or see the greater path ahead of us....

When someone judge you because of what you had been after a bad relationship...

tell them...

"MY PAST, MY HISTORY.... I CAN'T CHANGE THEM... BUT I CAN ALWAYS CHANGE WHERE I AM GOING..."

PRETENDING TO BE STRONGER THAN THE REST!

I am a NURSE of course i am... routinely monitoring patients, taking care of them, handling there wildest emotions and trying to be flexible at all times....It's tough.... though i enjoy it!!!... but sometimes "PRETENDING TO BE STRONG THAN THE REST " is the hardest skill i had learned along my profession....

I was a student before... no pressure on how will i feel about taking care of my patients since i only care about doing the procedure and not the purpose of the procedure... "What the heck would i mind??! Right??! I only care about my Hard to Get GRADES!!!....

Later when I was about to took the board exam... all i care about were the nursing theories, community discussions, research and the merry go around medical surgical... i felt really sick reading all of those...

I became a Nurse June 2007.... I boost myself and got a little pride....(not to mention how my parents felt because I was the youngest and i did past the exam).. They were really really proud about me.... It's as if "I WAS THE APPLE OF THEIR EYE".... but i never really thought how RESPONSIBILITY would come along....

I applied at different instituitions and fortunately I was hired as a Nurse Trainee at the DMSFH (Davao Medical School Foundation Hospital) its a Private Tertiary Hospital here at Davao City and I was assigned at Delivery Room.. So being a DR nurse, you'll be use to the laboring process and how patients react to the painful stimuli....(not to mention the smell).... well... that's the way my job goes.... monitor moms and babies, transfer them to the labor room or I.E room, then to the delivery room or either Operating room since we run a double set up policy... we do cater Cesarean Section (Pfannensteil and the usual cut which is done vertically).... but MY LIFE HERE IS NOT THAT HARD.... I CAN'T FEEL ANY PRESSURE... ALL I FELT IS THAT, I WAS HAPPY BECAUSE EVERYTIME WE DELIVER A NEW BORN BABY VIA NSVD (Normal Spontaneous Vaginal Delivery) and CS (cesarean Section) I FELT THAT I AM ONE OF THE PEOPLE WHO HELPED THEM WELCOME TO THIS BIG WIDE WORLD.....

SO THIS IS WHERE THE STORY BEGINS......

My Sister Chriselda (whom i consider my best sister ever!)... got thyroid problem since 2005... She took medications for about 2 years but nothing happened...her heart was already affected.... she got puffy eyes and she moves rapidly that she is always prone to accidents...she worries a lot... and she always stays at my room at night to talk about her feelings and i was there to gave her my warm embrace while lending my ears...'til we decided to undergo her for an operation... so she was referred to a Surgeon (Dr. Aportadera for Surgery) for total Thyroidectomy (that is the total removal of the thyroid glands).... It was scheduled early January 2008.... so I asked permission from the Head Nurse of the OR department to allow me to be part of the team...Fortunately, he approved it and I was allowed to assist the operation while making sure she is okay.... At first I was so confident to assist in the operation.... that was when the induction of anesthesia started... i even laugh because she was snoring after giving the General Anesthesia.. She Fell into a very deep sleep hehehe.... but when the cutting time started... "MY TEARS FELL AND I DIDN'T NOTICE IT!" that was the time i felt that.... Taking care of patients is not that easy... especially if that person is someone you really care and love.... My heart was beating hard because thyroidectomy is a bleedy procedure and on the back of my mind were thoughts of fears... Luckily the operation ended and she survived!... I hug her again and helped her at the recovery room....

THE BLOODY PART: when my sister was at the recovery room... she was shivering (I understand that it was a post anethesia side effects and at the same time she is vomiting which is a common reaction in GA patients).... So i didn't panic.... I noticed that her dressing at the post operation site was soaked with blood... so i referred it to the Senior nurse and then to the Doctor... so they instructed me to put the ice pack at the neck area (post-op site).... it stopped for a while so we transferred her at station 2A Room 205 at the second floor of DMSFH.... we allow her to rest... the Dressing was changed and I felt better that it was not soaked with blood... Later in the afternoon... my sister compalined of dizziness and difficulty of breathing... I assessed her... When I touched the posterior part of her neck... blood was all over... BUT I STAYED CALM AND SAID TO EVERYONE... EVERYTHING IS OKAY... she was manifesting chevostek signs and a little tremor.... her BP lowered to 90/60- 90/50.... I was a little nervous that time.... I did act as if evrything was fine when everything isn't.... I dont want them to panic....

I went out the door and referred everything.... I took a deep breath and I did pressure some nurses at the station to refer it quickly while trying to be calm in front of my family... First action was ice pack... it didn't help... they give her Tranexamic acid 500mg Ivtt... still it didn't stop... as I remembered that There were Two RODs (Resident on Duty), anesthesiologist and a consultant... who went to see my sister... they applied sterile strip on the side...encourage my sister to verbalize any unusualities.... ordered to continue meds and apply pressure at the post op site.... LUCKILY IT STOP! I saw my parents eyes were teary and at the same my Loving sister chriseldawas also crying...I knew how she felt.. but I have to see to it that Iam stronger than the rest to maintain the level of emotions well.... I stayed at the hospital for the span of time my sister was admitted... I do sleep there... I do wash my uniform there and keep it hanging to dry it up... I JUST CAN'T LEAVE HER THAT WAY....

When we were home... My sister still have heplock... and everytime I am on duty i have to make sure i had given her all the needed IVTT meds to make her feel comfortable.... Well.... she recovered and she is living a normal life right now.. although she still have oral maintainance to maintain her thyroid hormone level normal....And I am a Company Nurse Reliever at MINCORR (Mindanao Corrugated Fibreboard Incorporated) subsidiary of San Miguel Company... and an OR Nurse at Medical Mission Group Hospital....Exposure at the ICU department and Private Rooms helped me a lot to gain the needed skills....

"BEING IN THIS SITUATION IS MORE DIFFICULT THAT I THOUGHT.... YES! I AM A NURSE... I SHOULD BE STRONG, FLEXIBLE AND EMOTIONALLY STABLE... BUT I AM ALSO A PERSON... I FEEL PRESSURE... I FEEL PAIN... I FEEL WORRIES... JUST LIKE YOU.... BUT BEING IN THIS PROFESSION TAUGHT ME THE VALUE TAKING CARE OF ONES LIFE....NOT ONLY TO A FAMILY MEMBER, A FRIEND OR A NEIGHBOR... IT IS MORE THAN THAT.. IT IS VALUING THEM INSPITE AND DESPITE OF WHO THEY ARE...... THEY ARE PEOPLE... AND SO WE ARE".....

LASTLY... SOMETIMES WE HAVE TO PRETEND THAT WE ARE STRONG.... JUST TO KEEP THEM FIGHTING AND GOING!....

Announcement!

Sorry... Ill be posting my blog real soon... smile.....